The Mysterious Cases of Detective Hisoka
by Masami
Summary: (AU) Series of mysterious cases solved by Detective Hisoka with the help of his assistant Illumi. What case might he come across this time? [Case 5: Illumi's First Case part one]
1. The Case of the Missing Boy

**** The Mysterious Cases of Detective Hisoka ****  
  
[Disclaimers/Note: I do not own any of the HxH characters. OOCness can be expected in the story.]  
  
** Case 1 : The Case of the Missing Boy (AsSaSsInAtEd rewritten) **   
  
One morning, Killua went to Gon's room to wake him as he did every morning. The knock on the door wasn't answered, but Killua decided to go in anyway. Slowly and quietly, walking on the grey carpet he went. His attention was immediately turned to Gon's bed, where he'd expected to see Gon sleeping like an innocent child. But what did he see? Gon was nowhere on his bed, and traces of blood! Blood was all over his bed!  
  
"Omigosh!!!! Gon's dead!!!!" yelled Killua in panic. He ran down the corridor into the kitchen, where Kurapica and Leorio prepared their breakfast.   
  
Hearing Killua's yelling, Leorio quickly ran to Gon's room. They were all terrified and panicking because of the news.   
  
"Gon!!!!" yelled Leorio, "what happened?!"  
  
"I don't know! I came to wake him up and he was already dead....," explained Killua, his voice shaking.  
  
Kurapica, who was still in the kitchen, noticed some black, powdery things in the oven. "Look, there's some ash in the oven!"  
  
"What???? Gon's been roasted????" yelled Leorio. His head was spinning he didn't know what to think.   
  
This called for some detective work. Kurapica flipped through their old, thick phone book and found the numbers of private detectives. The private investigator he called had the most 'interesting' and threatening message as his signature on the phone book. 'I'll Kill You If You Don't Hire Me.... Hehehe....'.   
  
Kurapica thought about calling other private detectives, but it seemed that it was the only number they gave in the book. And the reason 'why' was written in bold letters at the bottom of the page: 'We're sorry we could find only one private detective, but it seems like 'someone' had scared off all the others. We apologize for the inconvenience.'   
  
Half an hour later, the investigator arrived along with his assistant. How did they get there? We'll never know.   
  
Both the investigator and his assistant seemed to have a weird taste in fashion. They both wore very unique clothes, and the most significant thing about him would be the chill the Hunters felt as he entered the room.  
  
"Hello *heart*," it was Hisoka. And his assistant, of course, was Illumi.  
  
Killua, Kurapica and Leorio were shocked. Their mouths seemed to have trouble closing, and their eyes were round as ping-pong balls.   
  
"Hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-....," Leorio, who was the first one to speak up, was choking on his words.  
  
"Stop that weird laughter," said Illumi, "it's not that funny."  
  
"I'm not laughing!!!!" yelled Leorio, "I was going to say 'Hisoka!!!!'"  
  
Ignoring Killua and Kurapica's surprised looks and Leorio's shivering, Hisoka started the investigation.  
  
"So, let's move onto serious business *spade*, shall we?" said Hisoka, taking out a pen and a notebook, "who died?"  
  
"Gon," replied Killua undoubtedly.  
  
Hisoka looked disappointed. "Oh, no! That's terrible! My fruit.... *club*...." He'd always paid attention to Gon, and he'd never expected something like that would happen. In fact, no one would have expected it.   
  
"All right, who found him first?" asked Illumi, taking out a pen and a notebook, ready to jot down the clues and important notes.  
  
"Me," replied Killua, "I found the blood on his bed. And Kurapica found some ash in the oven."  
  
Illumi turned to Killua with a suspicious look on his face. "O~h yes, my little brother....," laughed Illumi, "tell me how you found him."  
  
"I went to his room to wake him this morning, and he was nowhere on the bed and blood was on his bed....," replied Killua, feeling uncomfortable because of the look Illumi gave him.  
  
Like all good investigators do, Illumi started jotting down all the possibilities of what might have happened, as well as 'who' could have been capable of doing such terrible thing.   
  
The person who'd found the scene of crime was always the first one on the suspects' list.   
  
"Suspect number one....Killua....," said Illumi as he wrote down Killua's name.  
  
"What? I'm not a suspect!" yelled Killua, sweatdropping.  
  
"Oh, yes you are," said Illumi, jotting down what Killua said, "you could have killed him easily."  
  
"Grr....," said Killua.  
  
Well, Killua was an assassin, but he would never kill a friend. He treasured his friendship with Gon, and he'd never try to hurt his best friend.   
  
"And? Why were you in his room?" Illumi continued on the inquiring.  
  
"I go to his room everyday to wake him," said Killua, looking at the floor uncomfortably, "but this morning ---- never mind!"  
  
"What is it?" asked Illumi, eyeing Killua suspiciously, "tell us."  
  
After a long silence, Killua finally decided to tell, "well, you see, this morning, Kurapica said he'd make chocolate cupcakes.... and you know how much I love chocolate.... I...."  
  
Illumi interrupted. "You killed him so that you can have lots more cupcakes oto yourself," nodded Illumi, looking satisfied as he wrote down what he just said, "and you buried him somewhere. Good. That's the spirit, Killu."  
  
Their suspect number one jumped up to Illumi immediately. "Hey!" he yelled, "I'd never kill anyone for that, not to mention my best friend! I told you ages ago I'm not going to be an assassin!"  
  
"Yeah right," said Illumi, "now who else is there....Hisoka? Who else's there?"  
  
Hisoka, who'd recovered from the heartbreaking thought of Gon's death, thought for a moment. "Hmm....," he said, thinking of people around Gon without noticing that there were two other possible suspects right beside him, "there's Gon's aunt Mito ----"  
  
"What? Aunt Mito?!" yelled Leorio, "hey, give me any reason why she'd come here!"  
  
"Yeah, and you have no proof either!!!!" yelled Killua.  
  
"Well, we can always call her here and ask," suggested Hisoka.  
  
So Illumi called Aunt Mito while Hisoka continued on the investigation. The whole case looked terribly complicated, but the Great Detective Hisoka tried to sort things out as easily as possible. He continued on where Illumi had left off ---- investigating the suspects.   
  
"So," said Hisoka, "who's next?"  
  
"There's always Kurapica," answered Leorio.   
  
"Ah, the Kuruta boy....," laughed Hisoka in that weird, creepy voice of his.  
  
Kurapica made a face. "Why me?" yelled Kurapica, "I'd never kill him! He's a good boy. Besides, why would I kill him for?"  
  
"Let's see....," Hisoka put his hand on his chin, imitating what detectives do when they think. "Did you make those chocolate cupcakes yesterday also?" asked Hisoka.  
  
"Er.... no, I made banana bread yesterday," said Kurapica, trying to remain calm and remember what happened, "and I remember all of us having it for dessert."  
  
"That's it," said Illumi, "the Kuruta boy put poison in it to kill Gon...."  
  
"Why would I?" yelled Kurapica, losing his patience. "Everyone had it, remember? How do I know which piece Gon was going to choose to eat?!"  
  
Hisoka continued writing his notes, with occasional laughter that made everyone shiver. "Well, you might have broken his fighing rod and have no money to replace it and....," Hisoka's reasoning was off the reality, again.  
  
The blond sweatdropped and regreted that he ever hired them for the case. They were so off reality he didn't even want to argue with them.  
  
"Either that or Gon died eating his really bad cooking," added Illumi. He was just like Hisoka and didn't have a clue what he was talking about, "then he could have buried him....or he could have put him in the oven to roast him.... that explains the ash...."  
  
"And your point is?" Kurapica twitched an eyebrow. He was really losing his patience, but he decided not to interfere, since Hisoka and Illumi seemed hard to get rid of once they were here. Yes, they were probably going to stay right there until they solve the case.   
  
"You should take a cooking lesson somewhere," said Illumi, holding up his index finger to mark his point.  
  
Kurapica thought he was going to choke the guy to death. His hands were shaking as if they were saying 'wait till I get my hands on that guy....'.   
  
"Okay, so that was suspect number three," said Hisoka, flipping his notebook to a new page, "let's move onto number four, shall we?"  
  
Number four was Leorio. He was suggesting other people as suspects, but he never thought he, himself, was one of the suspects too. He twitched his eyebrow, annoyed, as Hisoka questioned him.   
  
"And why would I kill Gon??" asked Leorio, definitely displeased.  
  
"Who knows? You might be jealous because he's younger than you," said Illumi.  
  
He looked as if he was going to explode as Leorio remembered how Killua called him 'Ossan' (English: Uncle) during the Hunter Exams. "Just how old do you think I am!!" yelled Leorio, "I'm still in my teens, ok?"  
  
"Oh really?" asked Hisoka, holding up some fan letters and laughing evilly, "'Dear Leorio, are you sure you still haven't reached twenty? You look older than thirty to me.' 'Dear Mr. Togashi, Your character Leo ----"  
  
"Stop that!!!!" yelled Leorio, jumping up in the air, irritated, "and what does my age have to do with poor Gon's death??"  
  
"I don't know." was Illumi's reply.  
  
"....you're the investigator here....," said Leorio, sweatdropping.  
  
All the possible suspects in the room were investigated, so the only other possible suspect was Aunt Mito, as Hisoka suggested. So they waited. While the long waiting went on and on, Illumi and Hisoka compared their notes on the suspects as well as their theories of what might have happened. After few hours Aunt Mito arrived. Finally.  
  
Aunt Mito broke down into tears as soon as she heard the terrible news. She was shaking like mad while she cried and yelled "My Gon's been killed....!? No....this *wah* can't be true....!"  
  
She was crying so hard she had difficulty speaking, but Hisoka was asking her questions as if nothing's happened. "So we're asking, where were you last night?" asked Hisoka, "and do you have any idea who might have done this?"  
  
"Umm *sniff sniff* ....I was at home.... *sniff sniff* looking through our family album....*sniff*," replied Aunt Mito, now covered with tissue papers, "but I don't know anyone *sniff* who could possiblly *sniff sniff* kill my precious Gon....*wa~h*"  
  
"Hmm....," Hisoka examined his notes.   
  
Leorio offered Aunt Mito another box of tissue papers. 'Good thing I bought like twenty boxes of these at the bargain last week!' he whispered to Kurapica thoughtlessly. In reply, Kurapica rolled his eyes and walked away.   
  
"Wait a minute," said Leorio suddenly, his finger pointed at the Great Detective, "can't you be a suspect too?!"  
  
"Who?! Me?!! *club*" asked Hisoka, surprised.  
  
"Yeah, you're always following Gon," replied Leorio, "and you were calling him 'fruit' or something?"  
  
The Detective's reply was unreasonable but quick. "Well, I'm an investigator so I don't count."   
  
"Aha! He's trying to get away with murder!" laughed Leorio as if he'd just won some contest, "I knew it was him!"  
  
"Then his partner in crime would be....," said Killua, sweatdropping.  
  
"Illumi, of course," said Leorio, pointing at Illumi this time, "I knew it! I knew it! Hahaha~!" His ridiculous laughter wasn't as creepy as Detective Hisoka's, but it much more stupid.   
  
"Oh, how did you know??!!" said Hisoka, his eyes and mouth round.  
  
Leorio gave him a now-I've-got-you look and a weird smile. "So you really did killed Gon then?" asked Leorio, ready to report to everyone how he'd solved the case all by himself.  
  
But to his disappointment, "No." was the Detective's reply. It was short and to the point. Leorio looked as if it started raining suddenly, he looked terribly disappointmented.   
  
The others looked at Hisoka flatly but with forced grins on their faces. Hisoka looked at their weird expressions and added "Hehehe....told you I'm a liar."  
  
The whole investigation was stuck right there, for they weren't able to move any more forward. Or it wasn't getting anywhere right from the beginning, should I say.   
  
"Okay, let's go over all the suspects again....," suggested Kurapica. He sighed and held his right hand on his head. The more Hisoka and Illumi tried to clear up things, the more complicated the case became in the blond's head. Leorio wasn't thinking at all (no use even if he did think) and Killua looked confused as ever.  
  
**Hisoka and Illumi's notes:**  
  
Suspect number one: Killua:  
  
- first one to enter the scene of the crime (most suspicious point)  
  
- my little brother (from the assassin family)  
  
- went to wake Gon (or kill Gon)  
  
- found no Gon and blood on bed   
  
Suspect number two: Aunt Mito:  
  
- was at her home last night (or so she says)  
  
- made us wait for hours (a slow walker)  
  
- a good cook (unlike 'someone')  
  
Suspect number three: Kurapica:  
  
- Kuruta boy (or girl)  
  
- bad at cooking (esp. at baking)  
  
- found ash in the oven (roasted Gon, probably)  
  
- might have broken Gon's fishing rod (doesn't want to admit it)  
  
Suspect number four: Leorio:  
  
- hot-tempered (wanted to kill me)  
  
- stupid (doesn't think)  
  
- old (no fans, possibly 30+ in age)  
  
Suspect number five: Hisoka  
  
- follows Gon everywhere (called him his 'fruit')  
  
"Hey! Gon's fishing rod is perfectly fine! It's right there!" yelled Kurapica, pointing at the fishing rod which stood against the wall beside Gon's bed. It wasn't damaged at all, it seemed.  
  
"And I'm not OLD!!!!" yelled Leorio, wripping up all the fan letters Hisoka brought out furiously. Somehow, everyone managed to mistake him for an older person.  
  
"And why's my name up there??!" yelled Hisoka.  
  
"You wrote it, you idiot," yelled Kurapica and Leorio together.   
  
The silver-haired boy was thinking all these time. Suddenly, he stood up from Gon's bed (no one told him he wasn't supposed to go near the scene of crime....) and yelled "I've got it!!!!" The serious look on Killua's face showed that he wasn't joking. He turned to Illumi and pointed at him. "Nii-san, you killed Gon!!!!"  
  
"What??!?!!?" yelled everyone in surprise.  
  
"And why?" asked Illumi, eyeing Killua with his big black eyes, "I'm not even on the suspect list."  
  
Killua sweatdropped. "Um.... well, you could have...."  
  
"Oh, these two investigators are so useless!" yelled Aunt Mito, cutting in, "okay, Sherlock Mito is taking over!"  
  
No one knew what to say. They were all making faces at her with disbelief. Sherlock Mito? Was she any better than the Great Detective and his assistant?  
  
"And I say, my precious Gon killed himself!" yelled Aunt Mito, pointing her thin, long index finger in the air.  
  
"What?!?!?!" yelled everyone else. They were just as surprised as when they heard Killua say Illumi had killed Gon.  
  
Aunt Mito walked back and forth in Gon's room, her hands on her hips. "Okay, first, he decided to kill himself," said Aunt.... er.... Sherlock Mito, "he cut somewhere like his wrist so it started bleeding, and then he decided he didn't want to die anymore, so he went somewhere to find something that would stop the bleeding."  
  
No, Aunt (Sherlock) Mito wasn't any better than the Great Detective. Her reasonings were way off and she had no idea what she was talking about either. Detectives these days....  
  
"And why didn't he come to me?!" asked Leorio coonfidently, "I'm going to be a doctor!"  
  
The Sherlock thought carefully for a moment, and replied "Because you don't have the doctor's licence yet." She snapped her fingers, "and he was afraid you'd use the wrong drug and kill him!"  
  
"Er....," Leorio sweatdropped. 'What the heck is she talking about now?!'  
  
To put everyone back on track, Killua suggested some clues "And where did the ash come from?"  
  
"That's probably because Kurapica burnt something when he was cooking," said Aunt Mito, very pleased at how well she'd reasoned all these things. "So in conclusion ----"   
  
Aunt (Sherlock) Mito's conclusion was interrupted by the most unlikely person ---- Gon! "Hi, everyone!" he said as he came running into the room with a bright smile on his face, "what are you guys doing?"  
  
"GON!!!!" yelled Killua and Kurapica, running to where Gon stood. They were really surprised, but it was a happy surprise for them. However, Leorio ran to the opposite direction yelling "Aah!!!! A ghost!!!!" Leorio stayed in the corner of Gon's room and shivered. "H-help.... Gon's supposed to be dead but he's-he's-he's...."  
  
"What ghost?" asked Gon, confused.   
  
"Gon, what happened to you?" asked Killua, hugging Gon tightly, "we saw the blood and...."  
  
Gon saw how weird his friends' expressions were, so he decided to tell them exactly what happened. "Well, it all starts last night, when Kurapica made that awful banana bread," he explained.  
  
Everyone looked at Kurapica.  
  
"....well! I'm so-ry!" groaned Kurapica, turning away. "Hn!"  
  
They turned back to Gon so he could continue on his explaination. "Because of that banana bread, my stomache wasn't full, since I spit out the awful thing, you see." Everyone except Kurapica looked convinced. Kurapica had veins popping out. "So when I went to bed, I was really hungry," continued Gon, "so I sneaked into the kitchen and cut some fresh meat so I could eat something before sleeping...."  
  
"So that's where the blood came from!" said Killua, snapping his fingers.  
  
"And then I put it in the oven and forgot to wash my hands....," continued Gon with a sheepish laughter.  
  
Aunt (not Sherlock anymore) Mito was displeased. "Gon! How many times have I told you to always wash your hands!" Normally, she'd have given Gon a three-hour lecture on you-should-always-wash-your-hands, but she wanted to know what happened, too.  
  
"Sorry, Aunt Mito....," said Gon quietly, sticking out his tongue, "so anyways, the meat was burnt and that's where the ash comes from."  
  
"So that's exactly what happened," said Hisoka.  
  
Leorio was annoyed by the Great Detective. Some Detective he was! "....mind you, you didn't solve the crime," said Leorio.  
  
"Oh, but I was on the right track!" said Hisoka, going over to Gon and patting him on the head, "right, Gon-chan?"  
  
"Eek!" goosebumps covered Gon's body.  
  
"So another crime solved by the great detective Hisoka and his outstanding assistant Illumi!" said Hisoka, "paycheck, please."  
  
The sunglasses guy tried to push Hisoka and Illumi out the door, "you didn't do anything, you morons!"  
  
"Oh, yes I did!" laughed Hisoka, showing them the notes on suspects and the evidence, "now pay us."  
  
Kurapica and Killua watched the arguments with sweatdrops, and Gon was still clueless while Leorio argued with Hisoka, but all goes well ends well! Another Mysterious Case solved by the Great Detective and his assistant!   
  
*tsuzuku....*  
  
[I rewrote 'Assassinated'.... and there's going to be more cases for the Great Detective to solve ^^;; any comment/suggestion is accepted ^^ but no flames, please.... I've had enough of those....] 


	2. The Case of the Missing Chocolate

**** The Mysterious Cases of Detective Hisoka ****  
  
[Disclaimers/Note: I do not own any of the HxH characters. OOCness can be expected in the story.]  
  
** Case 2 : The Case of the Missing Chocolate **  
  
It had always been his custom to eat a bar of chocolate every night before bed, and this night, too, he'd sneaked into the darkness of the kitchen to get a bar of chocolate. The kitchen was big and had lots of cupboards and drawers, so the chocolate was hard to find. His friend who was in charge of things around the kitchen would have had lots of places to hide the chocolate.   
  
No sign of Kurapica, thought Killua as he looked through the kitchen counters and the cupboards, but no chocolate was found. Not even one piece. Disappointed, he pushed over a chair so he could stand on it and opened the fridge to find something else to eat ---- something that tasted like chocolate, that is.  
  
Just as he got his hands on the chocolate ice cream, a pat on the shoulder surprised him so much he dropped the box and jumped down the chair he had stepped on.  
  
"Ne, Killua," it was his cheerful friend, "what are you doing here late at night?"  
  
Killua put his index finger on his mouth, telling him to be quiet. Quietly, so quietly he couldn't even hear himself, he explained to Gon what he was up to, trusting that his friend wouldn't tell a soul. Gon nodded, indicating that he would help Killua with his 'Operation Chocolate'.   
  
The plotter told his friend to go see if he could find any more chocolate, while he, himself would go get the ice cream. So Killua climbed on the chair again and opened the door of the fridge. Meanwhile, Gon crawled on the ground, hoping to find a secret trapdoor on the ground that would lead him to wherever Kurapica had hidden the chocolate.  
  
Suddenly, the lights went on. The boys' eyes were blinded by the sudden brightness in the kitchen. By the intrance to the kitchen was a blond boy, who didn't look very pleased at what he'd found ---- what he didn't expect to find.  
  
"Gon, Killua," said the blond, "just what do you think you're doing here?!"  
  
"Well.... you see, we were trying to find some cho ---- ouch!" Gon was elbowed before he could finish his sentence. He looked over at Killua, and Killua glared at him, giving him that don't-you-dare-tell-him look.   
  
"You were trying to find....?" asked Kurapica suspiciously. He twitched an eyebrow as he watched Killua whisper something to Gon. "Well?"  
  
Gon nodded and started explaining. "Killua says he saw a cockroach so we came to chase it. So we were on the ground....," Gon paused as Killua whispered something else to him, "oh, yeah, and it got away! So we're going to bed now! Bye, Kurapica!"  
  
Killua waved byebye to Kurapica and the two boys walked quickly out of the kitchen. But Kurapica's "Wait just a moment." stopped them from getting away. They turned with fake innocent looks on their faces as Kurapica, with hands on his hips, started telling them not to sneak out late at night again.  
  
"Okay, Kurapica," said Gon. Killua said the same, but he didn't mean it. He knew he'd sneak out to get more chocolate every night. "Good night!" Gon had gone back to his bedroom.  
  
"Good night, Gon, Killua," replied Kurapica in his friendly voice. Just as Killua stepped out of the kitchen, he added "Don't worry, you won't find any chocolate here."  
  
Killua turned. "Huh?" he said nervously, "chocolate?"  
  
"You can have some in the morning," continued Kurapica, "now go to sleep."  
  
Kurapica stayed in the kitchen until Killua went out of the kitchen, and watched him as he went into his own room and closed the door behind him. The whole place was dark as ever without any light on, and Kurapica went to his room after making sure no one was there. It was hard to notice, but in his tight grip, there was a 'something' wrapped in shiver aluminum foil.   
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
The next morning, the silver-haired boy woke up the earliest, hoping to find the hidden chocolates. He looked all over the kitchen, but still no luck. Just like the night before, he'd looked everywhere ---- from the cupboards to the drawers to the oven to the washing machine. As he decided to give up the search, wondering how Kurapica could have hid them so well, he pushed over the chair so he could stand on it.  
  
Nothing was on top of the fridge, except for some dust.   
  
He said to himself "I searched EVERYWHERE, but I can't find it!"   
  
"Hi Killua!" It was Killua's cheerful friend again. "Any luck finding the chocolate bars?"  
  
I'm not going to be fooled by your innocent look, Gon! Killua thought to himself. "No, Gon.... do you have any idea, say, where they could be?" He suspected his friend of taking the chocolate bars.  
  
The boy with dark hair looked confused, but offered to help him find the chocolate. So Killua decided Gon wasn't lying, since the innocent expression on his friend's face was hard to imitate.  
  
After going through all the things in the kitchen ---- occasionally knocking down pots and pans, creating sounds like CRUSH and SMASH and BANG ----- the boys got tired of searching and decided to ask Kurapica where he'd hidden the chocolate.   
  
"Ne, Kurapica!" Killua shook Kurapica's shoulders, trying to wake him up, "wake up, will you?"  
  
The blond murmured sleepily. "What....? What's going on, Killua? Gon?"  
  
"Come on, tell us where you hid the chocolate bars!" demanded Gon.   
  
Sleepily, Kurapica rubbed his eyes with his hands and got up from his bed. As the two boys dragged him to the kitchen, they asked him how he'd came up with good places to hide the sweets.   
  
"I can't tell you how I manage to find places to hide them, can I?" Kurapica laughed softly as he led the two boys to front of a cupboard beside the fridge.   
  
"But Kurapica, we went through that cupboard already," said Gon. "The chocolate's not in there."  
  
Killua gave him a you-just-shaddup-and-watch look and Gon turned his attention to Kurapica.  
  
After getting all the things out of the cupboard ---- with difficulty, since Gon and Killua had gone through all the contents of that cupboard and managed to mess it up completely ----, Kurapica peeled off part of the wallpaper which covered a little drawer behind the wallpaper.  
  
"So that's where he'd been hiding the chocolate!" commented Killua, looking fascinated, "interesting."  
  
But their faces fell as Kurapica opened the drawer. The drawer was empty ---- not even a trace of dust was in there! Kurapica looked surprised as Gon and Killua turned to him. "Where's the chocolate?" asked Gon curiously with a finger on his mouth.  
  
Kurapica blinked, but didn't answer. Killua asked again. "Where's the chocolate, Kurapica?"  
  
"The.... chocolate? I knew I put them in here when I hid them!" replied Kurapica.  
  
"But why aren't they in here?" asked Killua.  
  
"Maybe someone broke in here to steal them!" suggested Gon.  
  
Whoever heard of breaking in to steal some chocolate? But the truth was, that the chocolate was gone.   
  
Killua ran to Leorio's room right away to ask if he'd seen the chocolate, but no luck. "Why would I go steal chocolate? I didn't even know Kurapica hid them in there!"  
  
"So Kurapica's the number one suspect, huh?" Killua gave him a suspicious smile. "Tell us, Kurapica, where you hid the chocolate this time."   
  
"I told you I don't know!" defended Kurapica. "I'm positive I've hidden the chocolate here last time."  
  
"And why aren't they here?" asked Killua.  
  
"How should I know?!" Kurapica twitched his eyebrow.  
  
Leorio sighed and thought to himself, 'here we go again....'. He wanted to turn his attention to something other than the argument, and that's when he noticed Gon's disappearance. "Where's Gon?" he asked.  
  
Before anyone could come up with any answer, the doorbell rang and the four Hunters gathered at the door to greet their unexpected guests ---- The Great Detective and his assistant.  
  
"Hi-Hisoka!!!!" screamed Leorio. "What do you think you're doing here?!"  
  
The Detective smirked as he took off his coat. "A possible break-in was reported, and we're just here to investigate. Hehehe...."  
  
"That must be a mistake! We were all in the kitchen.... Gon?" Leorio realized Gon's disappearance. "Do you happen to know who might have called these two.... er.... detectives to come?"  
  
Gon backed off as Leorio approached him. With a nervous laugh, he admitted that he was the one who'd called the Detective. "I didn't mean to....," he added.  
  
"What! Why did you.... How could you, Gon...." Leorio made a face and sank to the floor. Last time, Leorio had worked so hard to push the two out of their apartment room, and he'd never expected that he'd have to do it all over again.  
  
According to Gon, he believed that there was someone breaking in, so he'd gone to search through the phone book. This time, the phone book was normal. Lots more private Detectives' names and numbers were listed in that thick phone book, which had came out only few weeks ago.   
  
Looking through the lists, Gon came to find an ideal Detective ---- which he'd called, but what he didn't read was a small note on the bottom of the page: 'We apologize once again for your inconvenience, but a certain 'someone' had been threatening us to change all the organizations' numbers to theirs. Therefore, there is only one possible number you will find in this section.' And that 'someone', undoubtedly, was this Great Detective who happened to be in the Hunters' room.  
  
So Hisoka and his assistant walked slowly into the room as Leorio glared at Gon, telling him how he should have never, ever dialed the number and Killua told him he should have been more careful.   
  
"Soooo, let's hear the details, shall we?" said Hisoka, sitting down on the soft sofa in the living room.  
  
They wanted to hear each person's point of view, and they wanted to sound professional, so one by one, the Hunters were called into the room.   
  
The first person to be suspected was Killua. He begain his story from "Why would I be a suspect?!" Illumi thought it was likely, since he knew how much his little brother loved chocolate.  
  
"Well, last night, I went to try to find a chocolate bar with Gon, but all we found were some chocolate ice cream. Then Kurapica came in, telling us we shouldn't be up late and we could have some chocolate in the morning, so we went back to bed." Killua paused to think for a moment. "This morning, I woke Kurapica up so he could tell us where the chocolate is, but then when he opened the drawer, it was empty."  
  
"Interesting.... invisible chocolates, huh?" remarked Hisoka, rubbing the tips of his fingers together, showing his interest in the case. "Continue please."  
  
"Well, I don't think it's invisible." Killua sweatdropped. "There was no sign of a break-in, and no sign of the wallpaper that covered the drawer damaged."  
  
Hisoka continued thinking through Killua's story as Illumi took notes. Outside in the waiting area ---- the corridor, the three other Hunters were waiting patiently. However, their patience did not last long, for Leorio started yelling at Gon about how it was all his fault the two so-called Detectives had gotten into their house once again. Kurapica shook his head and tried to stop Leorio from yelling at the poor Gon as Illumi came out, asking for the next suspect to go into the room.  
  
The next one was Gon. With a shrug, he entered the room and found the clown.... er.... Detective sitting on the sofa, waiting for the next person in question. "Ooooh, look, it's Gon-chan!" smiled Hisoka happily. The boy sweatdropped as he sat down on another sofa by Illumi.  
  
"So tell us your story, Gon," said Illumi, ready to take some notes.  
  
The black-haired young boy looked uncomfortable as he started explaining what happened. "Last night, I saw Killua going out of bed so I followed him to the kitchen. Then he asked me to help him look for chocolate, for some reason, but Kurapica came and told us to go back to bed, so I did."  
  
"You don't know what happened after that then?" asked Illumi as he took notes of the important points from what Gon had said. "I mean, Killu and Kurapica were alone in the kitchen after that?"  
  
Gon shook his head. "Then this morning, Kurapica promised we could have some chocolate, but the drawer that he kept the chocolate in was empty, so I called you guys to come investigate if someone had broken in." Hisoka licked his lips and let him go after a hug and "Byebye, Gon-chan....!" which made him feel even more uncomfortable. Illumi came out of the room with him so that he could call in the next suspect, which happened to be Kurapica.  
  
"Ooooh, so we meet again, Kuruta boy," smirked Hisoka, followed by that weird laughter. Then he stopped suddenly and became serious. "Tell me. How did you steal the chocolate?"  
  
Kurapica took a deep breath to keep him calm. "First of all, I did not steal the chocolate. Second, I don't even want you two here, and third, STOP CALLING ME KURUTA BOY!"  
  
"Interesting." Hisoka was not listening to a word he said. "Continue please."  
  
"Okay!" Kurapica groaned. "So last night I heard something in the kitchen so I got up. That's when I saw Killua and Gon sneaking around the kitchen, trying to find chocolate. I hid all the chocolate in this drawer behind the wallpaper in a cupboard in the kitchen, because I was in charge for all the foods, for some reason."  
  
"Yeeees." Hisoka shot him a weird grin. "The scene of the crime...."  
  
"Anyway, I promised I'd let them have their chocolate in the morning, but when they woke me up this morning, the chocolates were gone," continued Kurapica. Apparently, he was annoyed. "Now can I go?"   
  
"Look!" Killua burst in suddenly. "I found 'this' in Kurapica's bedroom!" In Killua's hand was a piece of aluminum foil. Illumi examined it, and it happened to be just a candy wrapper. Kurapica glared at Killua and Killua smiled at him nervously, and out he went.  
  
Hisoka whispered something to Illumi and he nodded, then they told Kurapica to bring in the next suspect. Leorio was the fourth and last suspect, and he was not pleased with it. "Why should I be a suspect?!" He groaned.  
  
"You did go near the kitchen, didn't you?" asked Hisoka suspiciously.   
  
"Yes, of course," replied Leorio confidently.   
  
Hisoka continued with his questions. "When?"  
  
"Half a year ago, when we moved in," said Leorio, his hand on his head, trying to remember. "I remember having to bring in all those cardboard boxes and stuff...."  
  
Illumi cut him off, assuming that they had no luck trying to get any clue out of this guy. The Detective then asked him for what happened the night before and this morning.  
  
Leorio, his hand still on his head, started thinking about the whole thing. But the sad truth was, that he had no clue what happened. "Let me see.... last night, I went to sleep right away and didn't wake up till the time when Killua came to bug me about some stupid chocolate of his missing...." To that, Hisoka and Illumi looked at each other and sweatdropped.   
  
After asking Leorio and the others to wait in the waiting room ---- this time, the bathroom, since the Detective had suspected some of them might have gone by the door to listen to them talk. Then Hisoka and Illumi had a very secret conversation. So secretive they came out of the room every two seconds you'd doubt if they're really having a conversation.  
  
Finally, after few hours of waiting, the Detective and his assistant finally came out of the living room. They then went to the bathroom to call all their suspects to go to the living room, where they'd announce what they've came up with.  
  
"You'd better be right," groaned Killua.  
  
They all seated on the living room sofas, waiting for the Detective to announce their findings. "Lady and Gentlemen," began Hisoka. He stopped as he felt a sharp glare from the blond. "What! I didn't name any names, did I?" said Hisoka, pretending to look hurt. But Illumi elbowed him, telling him to continue on the announcement.  
  
"Where was I?" Hisoka pretended he forgot, but all the others glared at him and he started again. "Oh, yes.... the important announcement is that ----" The four suspects had their undivided attention on the Detective, and nervously, they waited for his next words. "....we have noooo idea what happened!"  
  
Gon, Killua and Kurapica fell over and Leorio walked furiously over to the so-called Detective. "Hey! Are you a detective or not?! You're not supposed to give up, are you?!"  
  
"And I thought you wanted me out of your apartment?" asked Hisoka.   
  
Leorio banged his head on the wall, yelling to himself "What am I saying?! Of course I want him out of here!"   
  
"Very well," smirked Hisoka. "Come, Illumi. Let's go back to the office. I want some more of that hot chocolate you made this morning."  
  
"Okay, Hisoka," replied Illumi. "It's really interesting what you can find in a cupboard."  
  
Suddenly, everything became crystal clear to the four Hunters. 'Chocolate'? 'Cupboard'? Yes. It all made sense. Leorio demanded that they take a look at Hisoka and Illumi's office to see what they can find. "Sure, be my guest," said Hisoka.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"....what!" Leorio's eyes became large as golf balls. "You never told me your office was right beside our room!"  
  
Yup, it was true. The Hisoka-and-Illumi Investigations Office was right beside the four Hunters' room, and just as they thought, the kitchens were right beside each other ---- only a wall in between.  
  
"So it was YOU!" Leorio glared at the Detective and his assistant. "You drilled a hole in the drawer and took the chocolate from the hole!" He went over to the garbage can and found some chocolate wrappers. "Ha! I knew it! It really was you two!"  
  
Illumi thought for a moment. "Oh, yeah. I remember getting the chocolate from the drawer on the wall in the cupboard. But I didn't know it was your chocolate." Killua did not seem satisfied, for the fact that his cold-blooded brother had taken their chocolate. Illumi seemed to have noticed Killua's expression. "Killu, you want your chocolate back?"  
  
"Of course I want them back!" was Killua's not-too-happy reply. "You do know how much I love chocolate!"  
  
"Okay then," said Illumi. "You can have them back, but you four will have to wait for few minutes."  
  
The four Hunters were confused. Wait for few minutes? Brining back the chocolate won't even take a minute. What was Illumi going to do? However, Hisoka told his assistant to go while he explain to their neighbours. "We made all those chocolate bars into hot chocolate this morning, you see.... so it might take a while before Illumi could get the machine going."  
  
"Machine? What machine?" asked Kurapica, assuming that 'the machine' was something they shouldn't know about.  
  
"Ooooh, don't worry," laughed Hisoka. "It's just his brother's invention. Milluki what's his name.... he made a water purifying machine, so we can easily take your chocolate apart from our special hot chocolate containing sugar, salt, soy sauce, dish detergent, herbicide, fertilizer ----"  
  
Leorio backed away slowly, dragging his friends along. "Nah, that's ok.... don't worry about the chocolate...." It'd probably contain some kind of poison, anyway, he thought. "Just remember.... please God please don't ever come to investigate any of our case, okay?" With that, Leorio dashed madly out of their office and back to their room ---- to safety.  
  
"So are we free from those two now?" asked Gon after they'd gotten back.  
  
"Hopefully," sighed Kurapica. "I can't stand even one more visit from them ----"  
  
Ding-dong! The doorbell rang again. Instantly, the four Hunters hid behind the chairs and the tables, and together, they said "You go!", pointing at each other. Shivering, Leorio walked slowly to the door and opened it.   
  
"Hi," came the Detective's friendly face. "I've got your ---- " Leorio shut the door in his face. "....chocolate.... oh, well."  
  
So another case was solved by the Great Detective Hisoka and his assistant Illumi ---- or so they said. But after all, the Hunters did find their chocolate, didn't they?  
  
*tsuzuku....*  
  
[Must find someone other than the main characters for Hisoka and Illumi to bug.... ^^;; Well, please tell me what you think of it but don't flame, okay? ^_^] 


	3. The Kuroro Lucifer Mystery

**** The Mysterious Cases of Detective Hisoka ****  
  
[Disclaimers/Note: I do not own any of the HxH characters. OOCness can be expected in the story.]  
  
[Dedication: For Cherrie ^-^ I truly appreciate all the help and support you've given me ^^ you've been a wonderful friend ^^ otanjyoubi omedetougozaimasu ^^v (happy birthday) ]  
  
** Case 3 : The Kuroro Lucifer Mystery **  
  
"What are you doing, Danchou?" asked a tall woman with a gun in her hand. Pakunoda was her name, and people usually called her 'Paku' as her nickname. She walked up to a man sitting in front of a new computer. He didn't use computers, usually, so she seemed interested in knowing what the man was doing with it.  
  
The man turned to her with a surprised expression, covering the computer screen subconsciously. He gave her a nervous laugh as he quickly pressed "SEND" button of his E-mail.   
  
"N-nothing, Paku," he said as the 'Your Message Has Been Sent' message came on the screen. The man wore a long, black coat with an upside down cross on it, and his hair ---- probably used hair gel ---- looked like a bird's nest. Though his appearance wasn't exactly what a thief or a robber would look like, but the truth was, that he was the head of 'Kumo' ---- spider ---- a group of robbers who'd do anything to get what they want, including killing and stealing. In fact, killing was like a habit to them, they were all used to killing off anyone who'd happened to be in their way.  
  
The woman stared at their leader suspiciously. If it was nothing, then why was he covering up whatever he was writing? And who was that E-mail sent to? The more she thought about it, the more suspicious she got.  
  
"Hey Paku! What are you doing over there?" called another member of their group. She was a pretty girl with big eyes and a pair of glasses. "Come join us!" She smiled as she got back to a card game she'd been playing with her fellow group members. Pakunoda nodded and replied "Be right there!"  
  
* * * *   
  
It was hard not to think about the E-mail, since the Danchou was so secretive about it. Pakunoda thought she had to figure out what was in that E-mail, and whom it was sent to. Robbers were supposed to take whatever they liked from whoever the victim happened to be, but in this case, Pakunoda felt that it wasn't right for her to go force it out of their own leader.   
  
Their leader Kuroro was very mysterious. His thoughts were hard to read, unless you'd always been around him. Though he probably wouldn't actually kill her for asking a simple question as 'what was that E-mail for?', but he'd think she was out of her mind, questioning him like that. Besides, it might have been something personal ---- something Kuroro wouldn't have liked to share with his arms and legs of The Spider.  
  
Then she'd have to find out about the truth some other way, thought Paku. She couldn't let Kuroro know that she was curious enough to do some investigations on it, so she had to have someone else doing the work for her. The perfect source for people like that ---- even for robbers ---- the phone book.  
  
Pakunoda took the phone book in her hand and walked over to a corner of their territory where no one could see her. What kind of people would do business like these? She thought. The first career name that popped into her mind was Detective. In the Detectives' section, there were lots of ads. Pakunoda scanned through the page, and found the most eye-catching title ---- the Spiders.   
  
"What are you doing?" It was the same girl who'd invited her to join them for a card game. Behind her was a girl with violet hair. They all looked curiously at Pakunoda and her phone book.  
  
"Shizuku! Machi!" Pakunoda gave a gasp of surprise. She thought the two would never get off her back, so she looked around and made sure no one else was listening. Quickly, she explained to the two exactly what happened.  
  
"No way!" exclaimed Shizuku. Machi covered her mouth, but it was too late. The whole Phantom Brigade had their attention on Shizuku. "I-I mean.... No way! I won't cook dinner for tonight, Machi!" The others sweatdropped and got back to whatever they were doing.   
  
"That was close," sighed Pakunoda. Then, in a low whisper, she went back to the phone book. "We'll call this number ---- the Spiders'." Shizuku and Machi nodded.   
  
Without looking at any other ads, she dialled the number of the company. So obviously she didn't notice the note at the bottom of the page. The message was the same message as the one Gon didn't bother to read in the last case, and Pakunoda was about to regret that she'd called the number. The message was about how someone had been threatening the editors of the phone book to write all the detective business' numbers as theirs.  
  
The cell phone started making the dialling sound. Hurry up and get the phone, she thought.   
  
Before the line was connected, Machi noticed Hisoka getting his cell phone. She saw that Hisoka's cell phone was vibrating, and she had a very bad feeling about it. Soon as the magician pressed a button, the line was connected.  
  
"Hello....?" Hisoka answered his cell phone in a low, creepy voice. "Who is this....?"  
  
Pakunoda froze. Hisoka?! What was Hisoka doing, posting up an ad like that?! Machi shook her head, muttering "I knew it...." and Shizuku was lost again. "Why are you calling again?"  
  
"H-Hisoka....," Pakunoda said finally. "Y-you posted up the ad?!"  
  
The magician laughed in his weird voice. "That's right." He then re-answered the phone with a more official speech. "You've reached Detective Hisoka's office.... How can I help you today?"  
  
Pakunoda sweatdropped. There had to be a reason why she'd called, but then if she tells him, he might tell Kuroro. After thinking for few moments, she finally spoke up. "Well.... Hisoka...." On the other end of the line was 'tuuuut tuuuut tuuuut....' "Hisoka?! ANSWER!!!!" she yelled.  
  
"Um, I think he hang up, Paku," Shizuku sweatdropped. "Let's call again then." Pakunoda called the number, muttering "Stupid Hisoka.... just when I was about to say what I needed...." Soon as the line was connected, Pakunoda told him what she needed.  
  
"Hisoka, let's meet in the park this afternoon," she said quickly. "Don't be late!" But just as she hung up, she realized that she'd forgotten two things: The location ---- exactly 'which' park they were going to meet in, and the time. Shizuku and Machi could see that Pakunoda was panicking, too, so they sweatdropped and looked at Pakunoda as she made another phone call.   
  
This time, she stated the time and place clearly. But Hisoka wasn't listening to them seriously at all. "Seven-thirty?" he said in his creepy voice. "Aw, I'd love to, but I've got a date with Machi ----"   
  
"NO YOU DON'T!!!!" another voice cut in, and clearly, the voice belonged to Machi. She groaned as she threw the phone back to Pakunoda. "Stupid clown....," she muttered.  
  
"Oh, I was just joking.... kukuku....," giggled Hisoka. The girls sweatdropped.   
  
And after finally setting up an 'appointment', the girls decided they should do an investigation so that they could get some facts about whoever Kuroro was E-mailing. The reason? One, they wanted to know badly whoever that person was. Two, they didn't trust Hisoka and his detective work.  
  
* * * *   
  
It was seven twenty-five PM and the girls were at the entrance of a local park, where they'd agreed to meet. They were five minutes early, but that was enough time for them to talk it over. They looked around and made sure not a soul was listening to them ---- not anyone suspicious, anyway.  
  
"So how is he going to help us?" asked Machi. "He'd probably just get into our way." It was true, seeing Hisoka's previous detective works.   
  
"But there isn't any more numbers in the phone book," explained Pakunoda with a sigh. She told the girls about the note on the page about how 'someone' made them write all the phone numbers as theirs. "And who knows? Maybe he has some kind of hidden talent!" But Machi doubted that.  
  
Shizuku was the first one to notice that Hisoka was heading their way. "Look," she said, pointing at a clown walking toward them. After a pause, she added "....who was he again?" But the other two girls ignored her. They were looking at Hisoka as he walked toward them.  
  
"Let's go to a cafe and talk this over while we drink something," suggested Pakunoda. The other three followed her without a word.  
  
The cafe was almost empty when then entered it. Only few customers were there, and the waiters and waitresses looked bored, too. The cafe was small, with some little tables and wooden chairs, but the flowers and decorations brightened the mood of the small cafe.   
  
As the four walked to the counter, a waitress came to them and led them to one of the empty tables. "May I take your order?" she asked politely. She was really scared of the smile on Hisoka's face, but she didn't dare show it.   
  
Pakunoda ordered a cup of coffee, and so did Machi and Shizuku. "Anything else?" asked the waitress. She was still shivering as she turned to the fourth customer.   
  
"Hmm....," laughed Hisoka. "I'll have a sundae with two scoops of vanilla ice cream and a scoop of chocolate ice cream and some chocolate syrup and some maple syrup and strawberries, some blue berries and some raspberries...."  
  
"H-hold on....," the waitress sweatdropped as she wrote down Hisoka's order.  
  
Pakunoda, Machi and Shizuku sweatdropped, too. Hisoka's detective works were bad even without the extra stuff distracting him, how was Hisoka going to concentrate on the work?   
  
"And some cherries," said Hisoka. The waitress managed to get everything down, but Hisoka stopped her just as she turned to go. "By the way," smiled Hisoka. "I didn't bring any money." As Hisoka continued his weird laughter, the waitress walked back to the counter quickly. Of course, she was annoyed by Hisoka's performance, but she was also scared of him, so she left without a word.  
  
"Anyway," sighed Pakunoda. "Let us tell you what we need to find out." Pakunoda told him exactly what she saw, and Hisoka pretended that he was listening to every detail. Pakunoda explained to him about how surprised Kuroro looked, and about the mysterious E-mail. To make people believe that he being serious, he took out his notebook ---- notebook filled with random information from the last cases that weren't really necessary.   
  
"Hmm.... this is very interesting," Hisoka put his hand on his chin. "So what I should do is to follow this target of yours and find out about what's going on. Tell me what you think is happening."   
  
"Hmm....," Pakunoda looked at Machi and Shizuku. "What do you think?" Machi's hypothesis was that Kuroro wanted to stop robbing people and start shopping online. That wasn't the best answer, but it was still a possibility. Shizuku assumed that Kuroro had met someone he was interested in online, and he was E-mailing the girl. Both of the two possibilities were weird, but Pakunoda's was the weirdest. "I think," she began seriously. "He started studying computers and didn't want us to know."  
  
The two other girls looked at her in disbelief. Hisoka laughed, as always. "N-no way," said Shizuku. "Why would Danchou start studying computers?" Machi shook her head. Hisoka laughed, "Kukuku.... maybe he wants to start building a web page for the Kumos...." Pakunoda, Machi and Shizuku rolled their eyes.   
  
"Okay," coughed Pakunoda. "We'll see how it goes. Come on. Let's go back." She stood to go, and Machi and Shizuku followed her.   
  
"And I'll contact my assistant so that we could discuss the problem together," said Hisoka, pulling out his cell phone.   
  
Pakunoda twitched her eyebrow. "You had an assistant?!" Hisoka nodded. Maybe his assistant was better than him, thought Pakunoda as the three girls left.  
  
* * * *   
  
Things got weirder and weirder as the next day approached. They were all in their territory, as always. Some were playing a card game; some were just sitting there. Pakunoda, Machi and Shizuku were in a corner again, where the others couldn't see them.  
  
"This is weird," said Machi. She looked serious as she eyed the other members. Their leader was nowhere to be seen, and Hisoka was chatting non-stop on his cell phone. "Danchou was never late before."  
  
Shizuku looked around, too. "Yeah.... I wonder where he is...." Just then, the sounds of footsteps approached them, and their Danchou came into the room.  
  
All the members of Kumo looked at their Danchou. Kuroro wore his long coat with an upside-down cross as usual, but his head ---- it was beyond any of the member's imagination. On his head was a pink baseball cap, which made him look ---- even more unusual. He pulled the brim of the hat and covered his hair. He looked around and found everyone looking at him, so quickly, he walked over to a cardboard box and sat down, avoiding contact with anyone.  
  
Pakunoda froze. "I guess Shizuku's theory was correct then....," she said as she stared at Kuroro. "He's changed his looks just so that the girl would be interested in him, too!" Machi made a face as she shook her head and turned to look at Kuroro. They were all surprised, no doubt, that Kuroro was changing his looks. He looked embarrassed, but he didn't bother to explain why he was doing it.  
  
After a while, Hisoka approached Kuroro with his notebook. The Danchou didn't look too happy, but Hisoka managed to convince him that he wasn't up to anything evil. "Okay, Danchou....," Hisoka chuckled. "I'm just going to ask you few questions. I'm not here to ask you what you were hiding and who you were E-mailing or anything, ok?" With that opening statement, it was too obvious that Hisoka was up to no good.  
  
But the Danchou looked convinced. "Okay, ask away." He didn't seem to have been suspecting anything.  
  
"Okay.... first question," said Hisoka. "What was that E-mail about?"  
  
Kuroro twitched his eyebrow. "Hey! You promised you wouldn't ask about that!"  
  
"Fine, fine.... next question then," continued Hisoka. "Who were you E-mailing?" Kuroro demanded that Hisoka doesn't ask any more of questions of that kind. Hisoka just laughed and said, "Relax, it's not me who'd like to know all these...."  
  
"Oh?" Kuroro blinked.  
  
'That IDIOT!' Machi wanted to go up to Hisoka and yell in his ear, but Pakunoda stopped him. It was no use getting Hisoka to help, they decided. What kind of detective would almost give away the names of people who'd hired him?   
  
* * * *  
  
"What do you think you were doing!" shouted Machi.   
  
The girls and the Detective were at the same cafe. Pakunoda ordered a cup of coffee, again, to calm herself down so that she wouldn't go kill Hisoka, and Hisoka was annoying the waitress by ordering random things that they'd never find in a cafe.   
  
As they all knew, the investigation was going nowhere. No progress was made since they hired Hisoka. But Hisoka didn't look worried at all ---- he didn't care whether or not he'd find out what had been going on with Kuroro. The girls had given up any hope they'd ever had for Hisoka, anyway.   
  
"Oh yeah....," chuckled the clown. "I almost forgot!"  
  
Machi rolled her eyes. "What is it this time?"  
  
"I have an assistant!" replied Hisoka. "I'll call him right away."  
  
Pakunoda sweatdropped as she took another sip from her cup of coffee. He had an assistant and he'd forgotten about him all this time? What was she thinking, assuming that Hisoka had some kind of special talent in detective work....? Pakunoda shook her head as she watched Hisoka call his assistant.  
  
After few minutes, Hisoka's assistant ---- Illumi ---- arrived. He looked around as he entered the cafe, and he headed straight to the table where Hisoka and the girls sat. "What's the case, Hisoka?" he asked. His long, silky hair waved in the air as he turned to the girls.   
  
"Glad you could make it, Illumi....," Hisoka gave him an evil-clown smile. "Meet our clients, Paku, Machi and Shizuku...."  
  
Pakunoda thought that anyone's detective work would have been better than Hisoka's, so she told Illumi her story. Illumi seemed to be listening carefully, though they were occasionally interrupted by Hisoka's weird laughter. When Pakunoda finished telling Illumi the story, Illumi started thinking hard. He had his hand on his chin, and his expression looked a bit more serious than usual.  
  
The three girls watched him while they waited nervously for his conclusion. For the next moments, nothing but silence followed ---- except for Hisoka sipping his coffee.  
  
"I've got it!" said Illumi suddenly.   
  
"Really?!" asked the girls at the same time.   
  
"Yup," replied Illumi. He waited for the others' attentions to turn to him. Pakunoda, Machi and Shizuku watched him closely while he waited, but Hisoka was looking somewhere else ---- he was typing stuff into his cell phone and chuckling.  
  
Machi's eyebrow twitched. "Who cares if he's listening or not. Tell us, Illumi," she said.   
  
"Okay," Illumi coughed to clear his throat. "Theory 1: Your Danchou Kuroro has been brainwashed!" The girls looked at him blankly. "Um....," Illumi sweatdropped. "Theory 2: The real Kuroro was kidnapped!"  
  
"Wha....?" Shizuku looked confused. "No! It can't be! How could Danchou be kidnapped? ....wait ....who were we talking about again?"  
  
Machi ignored her. "Well.... it's possible. Maybe the kidnapper replaced Danchou with a robot.... that explains why Danchou was wearing that pink baseball cap ---- to hide some weird antenna on the robot's head."  
  
"But then why would he do that?" asked Pakunoda. "Why a PINK baseball cap?"  
  
No one seemed convinced by Illumi's theories. The only way to find out what was really happening ---- ask Kuroro. It was no use thinking about these little things till their heads explode.   
  
* * * *  
  
"Let's try my idea first," said Machi.   
  
They were back in the abandoned buildings, where the rest of the members were still playing some card game, and Kuroro was searching for something on the Internet. Machi walked over to him from behind. Kuroro didn't seem to notice, since he was so devoted in whatever he was doing on the computer. With a yank, Machi took off the pink baseball cap. "Sorry, Danchou!" she said.  
  
"What the....," Kuroro covered his head with his hands quickly, but not quick enough. All the members had their attention on him ---- on his head, to be exact. His head looked so messy it seemed like he hadn't brushed his hair for months.   
  
"No antenna?" said Machi. Kuroro looked at her weirdly, as if he was going to ask, 'what antenna?'  
  
"Danchou....," said Shalnark, turning away from the card game. "What happened to your head?"   
  
Kuroro brought his hands off his head. "Well.... my hair had always been difficult to handle," he explained. "So there's a particular brand of Hair Gel I use, since that's the only one that would work on my hair. But recently, that Hair Gel company ran out of business, so I can't find any more of it. I was searching for it online, to see who uses that hair gel so I can go steal from them."  
  
Machi nodded. "So that's why you've been E-mailing people and going on the Internet....," she seemed a bit surprised by the so-called 'logical explanation' their Danchou was telling them.   
  
Pakunoda didn't seem convinced. "But what about the pink baseball cap? Why pink?" To that, all the members' attentions turned to Kuroro once again. Some were trying hard not to laugh because of the image of the great Danchou of a robber group wearing a pink baseball cap.  
  
"Well....," Kuroro sweatdropped. "I went to this shop to rob, but the only baseball caps they had left were pink. There were other bowler hats and top hats and even bandannas, but they were all so big ---- so I thought I'd just take one in random and leave."  
  
"And that's exactly what happened," added Hisoka. "Fufufu...."  
  
Pakunoda and Machi jumped in front of Hisoka right away. "You didn't do anything, you moron!"   
  
Like always, Hisoka never missed the timing for him to say 'and that's exactly what happened'. And nothing serious happened yet Hisoka didn't manage to crack the case. As he annoyed Pakunoda, Machi and Shizuku by asking for his paycheck, he decided that this detective job was better than he thought. 'I'll go bug Gon-chan and friends again sometime,' he thought.   
  
"You didn't solve this, Hisoka," Machi glared at him.   
  
"Oh yes I did~," laughed Hisoka.  
  
"What case?" asked Shizuku, still confused.  
  
Another case solved by the Great Detective Hisoka and his Assistant Illumi ---- not! All these easy problems were solved.... now could anyone solve the problem of how-to-get-rid-of-this-lousy-detective?   
  
** tsuzuku.... **  
  
[As I said in the beginning, Happy Birthday, Cherrie! *glomps Cherrie* this is for you, (if you like it =P) ^^ to my other friends (or enemies, if there is any), please tell me what you think of it but don't flame, okay?] 


	4. The Case of the Mysterious Kidnapper

**** The Mysterious Cases of Detective Hisoka ****  
  
[Disclaimers/Note: I do not own any of the HxH characters. OOCness can be expected in the story.]  
  
** Case 4 : The Case of the Mysterious Kidnapper **  
  
"Gon, dinner's ready!" called Kurapica. He walked over to the small balcony and looked down, but Gon was nowhere to be seen. He looked around, but no luck in finding the boy with spiky hair. "He'd probably gone somewhere with Killua," Kurapica decided. "They'll come back when they're hungry."  
  
"Hurry up, Kurapica," Leorio's complaint came from the dining room. "I'm hungry!!" He was sitting in a chair in front of their round, white dining table, and waited impatiently for Kurapica and the others. He had a dark blue napkin around his neck, and a fork and a knife in each of his hands, ready to eat. "Kurapica!!" he yelled, seeing that Kurapica wasn't coming. "Don't mind those kids, they're probably wondering around in the forest. What's for dinner?"  
  
Kurapica sighed as he came to join Leorio in the dining room. "I guess we can start eating without them," he told himself, and went to the kitchen to get the food he'd prepared. Just as he went through the drawers to look for a wood spoon to serve their dinner, he heard another yelling.  
  
"Kurapica!! Did you burn the food again?!" Complaint of a young man came from the living room. He walked over to the kitchen lazily, and took off the lid of an overflowing pot. "What is this thing, Kurapica?" His expression changed suddenly as he saw what was inside.  
  
"Huh?" Kurapica turned to Killua with a surprised expression, and found Killua frowning at the pot - something inside the pot, actually. "Killua? I thought you were with Gon!" He stopped searching for the wooden spoon, and waited for Killua's response.  
  
Killua blinked. "Gon? I thought he went outside to get the mail or something," replied Killua, still frowning. "He'll be back soon, I think. Anyway, don't tell me we're having this.... brownish black thing for dinner!"  
  
Kurapica blinked, too. He was ready to smash Killua on the head with his frying pan for criticizing his cooking, which was supposed to be cream stew, but he was more worried about Gon. He hadn't seen Gon since he went outside for some fresh air that afternoon. Where could he have been all these hours? "I'm worried about Gon," said Kurapica. "He would've told us where he was going. He wouldn't worry us like this."  
  
"You're right," added Killua. "If Gon went to the forest, he'd have asked me. Why would he go alone?"  
  
Leorio came into the kitchen slowly, the napkin still around his neck. "Maybe he has a surprise or something," he said. "He might be preparing something for us, for a birthday present or something."  
  
"But.... it doesn't hurt to at least go look for him in the neighbourhood, does it?" suggested Kurapica, and so, despite Leorio's complaints about how hungry he was, the three split up and walked down the streets to look for the missing child. However, they had no luck in finding him, after calling out his name and asking people of the neighbourhood if they'd seen him.  
  
"Any sign of Gon?" asked Leorio as the three met back at their apartment room. "I'm hungry," he added, and Kurapica glared at him. "What! I am hungry, you know. I haven't eaten anything."  
  
Killua gave Leorio an almost too friendly smile, which made Leorio back off and be quiet about dinner. "We haven't found Gon, and you're still thinking of dinner?!" Leorio backed off some more, as Killua got even closer. "If you don't find Gon, I won't let you eat anything!"  
  
"Killua!" Kurapica tried to hold Killua and kept him away from Leorio. "Let's try looking for him again, okay?"  
  
Leorio sighed, "....fine."   
  
As the three were about to split up again, they were stopped by a very uncomfortable laughter coming from a room in the apartment building. The silhouette of a tall man came in sight as the streetlights came on. Even before the man drew away the curtain, the Hunters were able to tell that he was their friendly neighbour - Detective Hisoka.  
  
"Looking for someone?" laughed the clown. Then, he clapped his hands together and said, "ooooh, I know who you're looking for!!"  
  
"Hisoka!!" yelled Killua. "I'll bet you're the one who kidnapped Gon!! Give him back right now or else!"  
  
Hisoka opened the window and jumped down, landing by the Hunters. The Hunters became cautious and were ready for an attack as the clown came closer. "Aw, don't worry," the clown giggled with amusement. "I don't have him, but I'm here to help you look for him."  
  
The Hunters sweatdropped as they heard that. "You WHAT?!" Leorio made a face. They didn't believe, that once again, the maniac clown was getting into their business.   
  
"Let's start, shall we?" Detective Hisoka pulled out a small notebook and a pen out of nowhere. Since he was a magician, it wasn't difficult for him to do so. "I believe we've encountered a similar problem before, haven't we? Gon-chan was dead, and the amazing Detective Hisoka made him come back to life."  
  
"Er.... I don't think that's how it was," Kurapica sweatdropped. "But anyway, let's start with the investigation." Just as he finished saying that, he slapped his forehead and thought to himself, what was he saying?! He did not believe he was actually encouraging the clown.   
  
"Okay, who saw him last?" asked Hisoka. "When, and where?"  
  
"I think he was last seen by Killua," Leorio answered. "Remember you said you saw Gon getting the mail?" he turned to Killua, who paused to think for a moment. "Yeah, that's right. He said he was going to go get the mail, and I said I'd go with him, but he said he could manage it by himself.... And he never came back after that."  
  
"Aha!!" Hisoka exclaimed. "I know what happened!!"  
  
The Hunters turned to Hisoka, some were thinking that Hisoka was finally getting better in this detective business. "Really?!" Killua wanted to know. "What happened to him?!"  
  
"You," Hisoka turned and pointed at Killua. Killua gasped. "Killua, you followed Gon to the mailbox!!" Killua frowned - Hisoka wasn't getting better at all. "You followed Gon to the mailbox. You're an assassin - that should've been easy to do without getting Gon to notice you. Once Gon opened the mailbox, you run to him, and killed him. All you had to do after that was to squish his body into the mailbox so no one would find him...." Hisoka looked pleased at his own sleuthing work, and penned down his theory of Killua killing Gon.  
  
The Hunters sweatdropped again and were stunned to hear Hisoka's explanation. Of course, they didn't believe a word Hisoka said. "Er.... I don't think a twelve-yr-old boy would fit into a mailbox," commented Leorio.  
  
"And why would I kill Gon and squish him into a mailbox?" Killua looked annoyed. He shook his head and chuckled in ridicule. "Come on, even Gon's hair won't fit into that small mailbox."  
  
"Hmm....," Hisoka thought with amusement. "I'll bet the doctor-wannabe did this!"   
  
Leorio gasped. "Me?!" He frowned as he pointed at himself. He could think of a thousand different reasons that backed up his theory of I-didn't-kill-Gon, but none of that made sense to Hisoka, it seemed. "Oh, come on. Gon's my buddy. Why would I do anything to harm him?"  
  
"Then it must be the Kuruta boy!" Hisoka stated, and a vein popped up on Kurapica's head. "You kidnapped Gon and hid him somewhere, so that you can demand for ransom from his Aunt - Mito, was it?"  
  
"Huh?" Kurapica's brow twitched. "I'd be more logical, Hisoka. If I was to kidnap someone, I'd choose someone rich, someone whose family would pay me the money for ransom for sure." He crossed his arms, and waited for Hisoka's response, as he hoped Hisoka wouldn't go on accusing him. "Unless it's someone I really hate," he added in a low voice, his eyes turning scarlet.   
  
But to his surprise, Hisoka had a worried expression on his face. His hands covered his face, and like a frightened child, he said, "Y-you aren't planning to kidnap me, are you? I mean, I am rich, but...." The Hunters gawped at him, and laughed nervously as Hisoka changed his expression and continued, "Ooooh, I'm just kidding!! Relax, Kuruta boy!"  
  
"Stop calling me that," Kurapica's eyes became scarlet again. "And weren't you supposed to be investigating the case?!"  
  
"Oh, yes.... where was I?" Hisoka put his hand on his chin, looked down and thought for a moment. He seemed to be trying very hard to remember where he was, so that he could solve the case. However, Leorio had already fallen asleep while he was thinking, and Killua sat down under a nearby tree by the street. This 'moment', obviously, was getting awfully long.   
  
Kurapica sighed as he saw Killua falling asleep also, and turned his attention to Hisoka again. "Hello!" he said. "Are you still thinking, Hisoka?"  
  
To that, Hisoka looked up and responded, "Oh, yes.... I was daydreaming about going on a date with Machi. How should I ask her? 'Machi, dear, would you like to go for dinner with me?' or 'Hey baby! Let's go grab a burger!'?"  
  
Either one of the two questions was too unlike Hisoka, Kurapica thought. Silently, he wondered where Hisoka had came up with those, but he decided he didn't want to know. "I don't care about your stupid date," was Kurapica's sharp reply. "Are you sure you can handle this case? Because I think I can do without your so-called detective work."  
  
"Oh, come on, Kuruta boy? I promise the great Detective Hisoka will find out what really happened!!" Hisoka said, in his weird tone of voice. He might have been begging, but with that voice, he sounded rather evil.  
  
"Whatever, Hisoka," Kurapica rolled his eyes. "I'd rather find him all by myself."  
  
"And how are you going to do that?" Hisoka asked curiously.   
  
One of Kurapica's chains came out of his sleeve, and swung back and forth in midair. "With my Dowsing Chain," he replied. "Leorio, can you get a map from my room?" he turned to Leorio, but Leorio was asleep. Kurapica didn't know whether he should yell at Leorio for falling asleep at a time like this, or praise him for his ability of sleeping while standing still. "Never mind. Killua, can you do that?"  
  
Killua's eyes opened slowly - he had fallen asleep as well - and nodded, and jumped up the apartment building, crushing through the glass door into the living room. Few moments later, he was back with a book of maps. "Here you go, Kurapica," he said as he jumped down the balcony.   
  
Kurapica opened the book, but closed it immediately. He blinked few times and turned to Killua, who looked puzzled. "K-Killua.... where did you get this from?"  
  
"Huh?" Killua replied casually. "It was in Leorio's room. I couldn't find yours, so I thought we'd borrow Leorio's roadmap." He saw that Kurapica's expression wasn't changing - he was stunned at 'something'. Something he saw in the book, Killua decided. "What's wrong with it?" Killua grabbed the book from Kurapica, and flipped it through.  
  
Inside the cover of a roadmap, the pages were filled with pictures of girls in bikinis. Killua couldn't help but laugh out loud, "Pwahahahaha.... That perverted guy....," he said as he laughed, until he could laugh no more. "Oh, man.... I didn't know Leorio kept these pictures in a roadmap!!" Killua continued to laugh until he started choking, and even after that, he started laughing out loud every time he saw Leorio.  
  
Kurapica shook his head, but Hisoka looked rather amused. "Kukuku.... you kids are so funny," he laughed. "I guess your chain won't work, huh? Now it's up to the great detective!! And I think I know who did this!!"  
  
"Here we go again," Killua said, and added sarcastically, "well then, tell us, O Great One, who did what to Gon, and where is Gon right now?"  
  
"The kidnapper is among us," Hisoka giggled, and Killua and Kurapica shivered. "It's him!!" He pointed at Leorio suddenly, and Leorio was snapped back to reality.   
  
"W-what?!" he blinked as he looked at Hisoka and the others.   
  
"According to my notes on the last cases," Hisoka flipped through his little notebook. "You are jealous of Gon-chan because he's much younger than you." He flipped few pages and continued, "Without the youngest one, people wouldn't compare your age with his."  
  
"Why should I be concerned with my age?!" Leorio looked annoyed.  
  
"Well, your friends used to call you 'old guy', right?" Hisoka asked. "Right?" he repeated.  
  
"Er....," Leorio sweatdropped. He didn't want to admit it, but he was a bit concerned with people thinking he was about thirty. "B-but there are lots of people younger than Gon!! Why would I kill him only?!"  
  
"Tricky question," Hisoka went through his notes again. "Probably because you four are the closest, and you haven't the power to kill Killua. Gon-chan's too naive to notice your evil nature." Hisoka giggled again as he saw Leorio's face going red with anger. "Oh," Hisoka added. "And you were the only one sleeping while the others worked hard to try to look for Gon-chan. Obviously, you don't care."  
  
"Of course I care!!" Leorio raised his voice. "It's not my fault you took so long to think of what we were talking about!!" He then turned to Kurapica, with an annoyed look on his face. "And YOU," his brow twitched. "You never gave me dinner!!"  
  
Hisoka put a hand on his forehead, as if he had a terrible headache. "You're confusing me," he said rather softly. "Wait here - I'll have my assistant help me with the case."   
  
The Hunters waited while he called his assistant Illumi, who glanced out the window from the apartment building just beside the sidewalk they were on. Hisoka asked him to come over right away, and he did - just like Killua, he opened the window and jumped down, making a soft landing beside Hisoka.   
  
"What do you need?" he asked. "Is it another weird case?"  
  
Hisoka explained to Illumi the situation, and all the data he'd collected - which, obviously, came out of his imagination. Illumi took out his notebook, too, and jotted down the points, which he thought were important. The fact was, that this sidekick of Hisoka's wasn't any better than Hisoka himself.   
  
"So, what do you think, Illumi?" Hisoka wanted to know.   
  
Illumi put his hand on his chin and thought the whole thing through. After few moments of silence, he decided, "I think Gon is still alive." Surprised, the Hunters closed in.   
  
"He is?! Where could he be then?!" Leorio came closer to Illumi, who stood still. "Come on, tell us!!"  
  
"Well, I don't know where he is, but if he was dead, his spirit would've came out and responded when you guys called," Illumi explained reasonably. "So, my guess is that he's still alive - only he was kidnapped and locked up somewhere."  
  
"If he was kidnapped, why didn't anyone call and ask for money?" Leorio asked. His head was filled with money - no other things came to his mind when he heard the word, 'kidnapped'.  
  
"Could it be possible that someone hates us, and want to get back at us for something?" suggested Killua, thinking about his explanation. Sadly, he wasn't able to come up with anyone who could've hated them that much. Gon was a very nice guy, and no one could come up with any reason how anyone could possibly hate Gon.  
  
Kurapica had a different theory from any of the others. "Well.... he or she - or they - might be after the Hunter cards," he said. "Whoever it was must have been strong, because kidnapping Gon isn't an easy job." To that, Leorio and Killua turned to Illumi with doubtful looks on their faces. The assassin - I mean assistant detective - looked puzzled, but knew the two were suspecting him of kidnapping their friend. "Why would I kidnap Gon?" Illumi asked calmly.  
  
"Well, for one thing, you would want your little brother back home," Leorio explained. "If Gon was gone, Killua would most likely go back home, right?" Killua shrugged. "And for another reason, you like his Aunt Mito!!"  
  
Kurapica, who nodded in agreement to the first part of Leorio's reasoning, stared dumbly at Leorio as he said the second part. "He WHAT?!" Kurapica exclaimed. "What's the connection here?!"  
  
Leorio laughed out loud proudly and explained, "Well, he could've kidnapped Gon and then gotten him back to Aunt Mito, and claim that he saved Gon. That way Aunt Mito would go, 'My Hero....!'" Leorio put his hands together and flattered his eyes, which made the others cough and turn away in disgust. "What!! I was just showing you guys how Aunt Mito would react!!" Leorio complained.   
  
Leorio should've seen himself, Killua thought and sweatdropped. He covered his mouth and jumped up onto the balcony. "Hey Killua!!" Leorio called impatiently. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I think he went to throw up, Leorio," Kurapica eyed Leorio, and Leorio gave him a 'hey!!' expression. But before Leorio could throw insults at Kurapica, the Great Detective stepped in.   
  
"I think," he said. "Killua ran away because he's the one who'd kidnapped Gon!! He doesn't want to get caught, so he ran away!!"  
  
"B-but why would he?!" Leorio asked. He looked shocked to hear what Hisoka had just said. Kurapica, who stood beside him, said to him, "Don't tell me you actually believe him, Leorio." Leorio sweatdropped.  
  
"So, it's another case solved by us!!" Hisoka had his hands on his hips, cheering proudly. Kurapica and Leorio gave him a 'yeah right' expression. "Now let's go catch that kidnapper!!" Before anyone could stop him (not that anyone could actually stop him), the Great Detective and his assistant jumped up onto the balcony and ran into the room. Kurapica and Leorio went after them by the stairs.   
  
* * * *  
  
In the bathroom, Killua was washing his face. He looked into the mirror and noticed two unpleasant figures. He turned, and saw that they were the Detective and his assistant. "What do you want?" Killua turned around.  
  
"We all know what really happened now," Hisoka stepped forward. "You don't have to pretend."  
  
Killua took a towel in his hands and asked, "Pretend what? Tell me what happened!!"  
  
Hisoka started laughing like a maniac, and pointed at Killua, who had a confused expression on his face. "We'll tie him up and let the police take care of him." Illumi nodded and held Killua so that he couldn't move, and Hisoka used his Bungee Gum to keep him from moving. "There. Now all we need to do are," Hisoka turned to Illumi. "Illumi, you call the police, and I'll ask where Gon-chan is."  
  
"Hisoka you moron!! You've got the wrong guy!!" Killua yelled, but Hisoka only laughed. "I told you already I don't know anything!! Are you even listening?!"  
  
Kurapica and Leorio arrived just then. They rushed into the bathroom, where Killua was held as the primary suspect. The two heard Hisoka question Killua, and Killua's yelling 'I told you I didn't do anything wrong'.   
  
"Killua, this is your last chance to answer me," Hisoka's expression turned serious. "Answer me right now," he glared at Killua, and Killua froze on the spot. Kurapica and Leorio looked at the two, expecting Hisoka to say something unpleasant. "Or I'll tickle you!!" Hisoka threatened him. Kurapica and Leorio sweatdropped and fell backwards in relief, since they'd expected Hisoka to do something more harmful.  
  
"No.... please.... anything but that," Killua begged as Hisoka came closer to him. "I-I really don't know anything!!"  
  
"Know what?" Came a voice from the living room. The three Hunters and the two detectives turned right away, and ran to the living room, leaving Killua behind. He couldn't move because of the Bungee Gum.  
  
"G-G-Gon....," Leorio's eyes were round. Kurapica ran to Gon and hugged him. However, Gon's whole body was wet - from head to toe. His hair was like the leaves on a coconut tree, since Gon had gotten it wet. "What happened to you?! You're so wet!!"  
  
"Well....," Gon sweatdropped as Kurapica brought a bath towel for him. "Today, I went to get the mail, and I found one from Aunt Mito." The others nodded, ignoring Killua's yelling. "I went to read it in the balcony, but the wind blew it away. So I reached out to the letter, but I fell from the balcony, you see."  
  
"Ouch!" Leorio shivered. The others glared at him. "Sorry," Leorio stuck out his tongue.  
  
"Anyway, I fell from the balcony and there was a manhole with its cover open. I fell in there, and it washed me to a dam, which had a crack in it, and it broke. So I was washed to the ocean," Gon explained as he wiped his face with the towel. "From there I had to swim all the way back to the dam, then I had to walk back here."  
  
Nothing but silence followed Gon's explanations. It was very unexpected, even the Great Detective was impressed. "So there! Gon's back now!!" Hisoka smiled. "Now pay us." Leorio's eyebrow twitched again.  
  
"Well, Mr Detective," Leorio smiled painfully. "And his great assistant. Thank you so much for your effort, even though you didn't actually find Gon. Now, to thank you properly, why don't you have dinner with us here?"  
  
Hisoka, unaware of what Leorio had in mind, turned to Illumi and nodded. "Sure," he said. Leorio smiled evilly this time, at Kurapica, who looked puzzled.   
  
As everyone sat down in the dining room, Leorio brought in a re-heated pot of (black - burned) stew. He started serving the stew, and Kurapica called him over. 'What's the meaning of this?!' he whispered.   
  
'Relax, Kurapica,' Leorio whispered back. 'Once they eat this awful food, they'll leave us alone!! We're so poor we can't even find a proper cook to cook for us! He can't ask for money then.' Leorio smiled as he thought of his brilliant plan.   
  
But Kurapica's fist ended up on his head as soon as he finished his sentence. "Can't find a proper cook, huh?" he raised his eyebrow. "I'd like to see you cook for yourself." Kurapica turned and walked away as Leorio sank onto the floor. Stars were circulating the air above his head.  
  
* * * *  
  
Hisoka scooped up a spoonful of.... er.... cream stew, and put it slowly in his mouth. "Hmm....," he said as he tasted the stew carefully. Leorio, Kurapica and Killua watched the Detective and his assistant carefully and nervously. "Hey," Hisoka's lips curled up into a smile, and the Hunters shivered. "This stuff is actually edible," he said.   
  
Sighs of relief came from the Hunters, until Illumi pushed the bowl further from him toward the middle of the table. "What is this?" he asked calmly. "First of all, I can't tell what it is. Second, there's too much salt. Third, there's too much cream...." Illumi was picky about food, since he was from a rich family. This did not make the cook any happier.  
  
"Got any problem about it, Mister?!" Kurapica glared at Illumi.   
  
"Lots," was Illumi's reply. "There are egg shells in the stew, you forgot to peel the carrots, and - "  
  
Kurapica's fist rose in the air, shivering, and before anyone knew, Hisoka was kicked out of the Hunters' room, followed by Illumi and Leorio. "Why~ Meeee~????" Leorio yelled as he flew out of the door. Kurapica stuck out his tongue and replied, "You deserved that."  
  
Gon took a bite of the crispy - burned - part of the stew and spit it out quickly. "Beh," he stuck out his tongue. "Yuck!!" he and Killua said at the same time. Kurapica was not happy at all. He threw Gon and Killua out of the room also, and slammed the door behind him. He groaned as he saw the leftovers on the table - but he understood why as he tasted his own cooking himself. He felt a chill run down his spine, and dumped the whole pot down the sink.  
  
"We should really get a decent cook," he admitted.  
  
** tsuzuku.... **  
  
[T_T I'm tired. *yawns* Sorry for those of you who'd actually taken the time to read this whole chapter.... ^^;; I admit this chapter wasn't as good =P Flamethrowers accepted only for this chapter - but please be gentle, okie?] 


	5. Illumi's First Case I

**** The Mysterious Cases of Detective Hisoka ****  
  
[Disclaimers/Note: I do not own any of the HxH characters. OOCness can be expected in the story.]  
  
** Case 5 : Illumi's First Case -Part I- **  
  
Illumi Zoldick picked up his cell phone as he looked away from the morning newspaper. His expression was neutral, but he was rather annoyed that some idiot had to call him so early in that morning. Before answering it, he looked on the little screen, which showed Hisoka's phone number. "What do you want?" he answered coldly, putting away the newspaper. His apartment was awfully quiet, as if you can hear his every heartbeat. He had rented the apartment room to keep away from the clown, who had come to visit (annoy) him every now and then. Seeing that they worked together in the detectives' office, he did not want any more of the clown's company during other times.   
  
Expecting some kind of nonsense, he waited for Hisoka to respond. But to his surprise, the clown on the other end of the line coughed as he replied, "Illu, it's me." Illumi's eyebrow rose slightly. The clown's voice sounded weird, even for Hisoka. "I caught a cold," he explained. "Could you run the office for few days?" He coughed again, but continued his maniacal giggle.   
  
Illumi did not reply for a moment. Running the office by himself? It sounded like an awfully boring job to him, but finally he decided, "all right, but you'll have to pay me double when you get back. Running a detective's office isn't an easy job."  
  
The clown giggled again. "If I can find that much money, Illu," he said. "I've been resting in bed, I haven't gone out to rob anyone." Illumi heard him smirk. "But," continued Hisoka. This time, Illumi heard a door opening and something crashing down. "Oh, here it is," he said happily. "I'll throw in something special if you'd agree with me paying you fifty-percent more."   
  
"Make that seventy-five percent, Hisoka," Illumi wasn't satisfied. Knowing Hisoka, it wasn't hard for the clown to get away with things. So he added in a knowing tone, "who knows what your 'special something' might be."   
  
"Fine, Illu, you win," Hisoka said. "I'll see you when I get back then. Oh, and I'll give you that 'special something' anyway. I promise you'll like it, I just found it in my closet!!"  
  
Before Illumi could roll his eyes and say "whatever", Hisoka hang up. The clock came into his view as he stood up to go to the kitchen with his half-drank cup of tea. It was almost time for the detective's office to open again. Illumi walked slowly out the door, and locked it before he headed for the office. Finally, he was getting a Hisoka-free day. The day seemed to have been boring to him, but at least he was alone. It was just him, the office and one unexpected visitor....   
  
* * * *   
  
"Waii~!!" A teenage girl with pink hair and two servants - bodyguards - walked into a newly opened clothing store. Inside, they had a huge selection of every girl's clothing you could ever imagine. Neon Nostrad bounced to the sandals' section right away as she spotted a pair that she wanted. "Oh, this would go perfectly with my new dress!!" she turned to her bodyguards happily. "Don't you think?"   
  
"Very nice," Senritsu tried to smile, but couldn't stop herself from yawning. The bodyguards were carrying loads of shopping bags from almost every store in the shopping centre already, and being Neon's bodyguards was a very hard and exhausting job. Senritsu sweatdropped as her boss looked at her with dissatisfaction.   
  
"Can't you bodyguards be more supportive?" Neon whined. "I thought Kurapica was the worst, but you guys aren't any better!!" She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow.   
  
Kurapica was absent that day, although his presence wouldn't have made things better. He had finally gotten a day off after such tiring days being Neon's bodyguard. Neon threw the pair of sandals at Senritsu. "Pay for those, and wait for me right there," she pointed at a bench just outside of the store. Her bodyguards nodded.   
  
She turned to walk away, but Senritsu yelled, "But boss, where are you going?"  
  
"The ladies' room," Neon replied without turning back.   
  
The ladies' room was almost empty. Neon stood in front of the mirror and pulled out her eyeliner. She hummed to herself as she decorated herself with a new necklace she just bought, and smiled at the mirror. However, her happiness and excitement was short-lived.   
  
"Mr Right Nostrad?" A woman's voice came. Neon turned and saw a woman with sunglasses, a huge pink hat and a dark pink dress. "Oh, hi, dear. It's me." Neon's eyes widened as she heard her father's name. 'Does this woman know Daddy?' she thought to herself. Her hand gripped tightly around her purse and she listened nervously. "Oh, yes. Same time, same place? Sure. I'll be there." Neon heard the woman hang up. She grabbed her lipstick quickly and applied it, pretending nothing had happened. The woman looked at her but said nothing. She then walked out the door, leaving Neon alone with her thoughts.  
  
'Who was that woman?' Neon thought. 'She sounded awfully close to Daddy. Could she be....' My soon-to-be stepmother? She dashed out of the bathroom quickly to her bodyguards. "Let's go, we're going home!!" The bodyguards gave her a "WHAT?!" expression. Normally the shopping would go on for hours, but that day, they were spared from that.   
  
Neon rushed into her Father's room soon as they arrived back at the mansion. "DADDY!!" she yelled loudly. Her servants covered their ears, and bodyguards dropped the shopping bags. "Daddy, I have something important to ask you!!"   
  
Right Nostrad stood up from his chair right away. "What is it?!"  
  
"Daddy, today, we went shopping," Neon replied. "And in the bathroom, I heard a woman call your name. Daddy, who is she?!" Neon's voice rose, and her father looked worried. He didn't want his precious daughter mad at him - he needed her Nen power to predict things, and make money for him. "Daddy!!"  
  
"Neon," Right Nostrad sighed and offered her a seat. But Neon refused to sit down and listen to her father calmly. "Neon, I guess it's about time you found out the truth." Right Nostrad's voice deepened, and Neon's eyes widened. "This may shock you, but she is -- "  
  
The last words were unheard, for the bodyguards had knocked loudly on the door, interrupting the conversation. "Boss? Where should we take your new clothes and accessories?" asked Bashou.  
  
"Just take them to my room!!" Neon yelled. "Continue, Daddy!! What were you going to say?"   
  
"Er - you should be in bed by now. It's getting late." Right Nostrad coughed and signalled for the bodyguards to take Neon to her room.   
  
"What?!" Neon yelled. "But it's one o'clock in the afternoon!!" The bodyguards did as they were told, and dragged Neon away. She tried to get away violently, by kicking and screaming and knocking things onto the ground, but nothing worked. Her father stared at the door and sighed to himself.  
  
* * * *  
  
"Hello?" Kurapica put in a bookmark in between the pages he was reading. He then picked up his little, white cell phone. 'Who could be calling me on my day off?' he thought to himself. Yes, it was his precious day off, and he wanted to spend the day peacefully all by himself while Gon, Killua and Leorio had gone to the supermarket to pick up the foods they needed for the rest of the week. ("A manly man like me, going shopping?!" Leorio complained.)   
  
"Kurapica? Listen, I need you do investigate something for me. It's urgent!! I heard a woman talking to Daddy and I want to know whom she really is. Daddy wouldn't tell me, so I must ask you to find out for me. You will do it, won't you? Won't you? Won't you?" Neon said it all in one breath, which was long and annoying and almost deafened Kurapica.   
  
"Er - Boss, it's my day off, remember?" Kurapica sweatdropped. "You can ask the other bodyguards."  
  
"They're not smart enough!" Neon said 'reasonably', and then added hopefully, "you're my only hope, Kurapica!!"   
  
Kurapica couldn't possibly just say no to his boss. He could get fired for that, and even though working as Neon Nostrad's bodyguard wasn't the best job in the world, he wasn't jobless, at least. He sighed and thought for a moment whilst mumbling "well"s and "um...."s, and finally came up with a good idea. "Boss, I'm awfully busy today, but I can introduce you to a very good detective." His heart beat faster as he told her the phone number, and she agreed that she'd give it a try.   
  
'At least she won't be bothering me again,' he thought, but his conscience troubled him, since he knew what a lousy detective Hisoka was.   
  
* * * *  
  
"Hello, Detective Hisoka's office," Illumi answered the very first phone call of the day. "Can I help you?"  
  
"Yes, I'd like to book an appointment." Without a doubt, it was Neon on the other end of the line. "I have something urgent for you to investigate. I need it really badly."  
  
Illumi sighed and thought, 'great. There goes my work-free day.' but instead, he replied, "sure, you can come anytime." He then gave Neon the address, telling her that she had better come as soon as possible.   
  
And after few minutes, a taxi stopped in front of the building, and out came Neon Nostrad. With her was one of her bodyguards - Senritsu - since she didn't want too many people with her. ("Daddy'll be suspicious of us, you know!!" she said.) She waited ten minutes for the elevator, because Gon, Killua and Leorio were back from their shopping trip and had to load their huge bags of groceries. "Finally!! What kind of cheap apartment is this?!" Neon complained and got into the elevator. Senritsu sweatdropped and sighed to herself, wondering why she'd agreed to come with her.  
  
Neon knocked softly on the floor. "Come on in," Illumi's calm voice greeted her. He pulled a chair and offered Neon a seat. Then he spotted her companion, and pulled the tea table over, since they didn't have another chair. "Have a seat and tell me what you're here for."  
  
"Er....," Senritsu looked at the tea table and sweatdropped. "I'd rather stand, if you don't mind."  
  
Illumi walked back to his desk (Hisoka's, actually) and sat down. "So, Miss Nostrad, how may I help you today?"   
  
Neon took a deep breath and blabbed out, "today we went shopping and when I was in the bathroom I heard a woman talking to Daddy on the phone and I asked Daddy who she was and he didn't want to tell me but I still want to know who she is but my smartest bodyguard won't help me so I came to you." Again, Neon finished her whole sentence in one breath, leaving Senritsu sweatdropping and Illumi blinking.  
  
"Er - why don't I ask you some questions?" Illumi took out his notebook and a pen. "Ok - what seems to be the problem here?"   
  
Neon was annoyed, since Illumi didn't catch a thing she said. "And Kurapica thought you were a great detective. That guy doesn't know a thing!!" She crossed her arms impatiently and twitched her eyebrow. "If you can really solve this mystery, I'll pay you far more than what others pay."  
  
"Okay, now answer my question!!" Illumi was annoyed also. "What's the problem here?"  
  
"I heard a woman talking to Daddy," Neon replied simply and impatiently. "And I want to know who she is."  
  
Illumi scribbled some notes down. "Alright, and do you have any idea at all who she might be?"  
  
"Well....," Neon thought for a moment. "I was thinking that she could be my new stepmother, and I decided she wasn't rich because of that yucky perfume she was wearing." Illumi nodded and continued writing. "Her sunglasses were nice though. But her hat was too big. It made her head look small." As Neon continued, it became more like a description of the woman's taste in fashion.   
  
After a long hour of questioning, Illumi finally said, "okay, Ms. Nostrad, I think I can handle it from here." Neon left the number of her cell phone as she and Senritsu left, and Illumi closed the door softly. He sat down and tried to come up with a plan. The first thing that came to his mind was to follow the tracks of Right Nostrad. For that, he needed the perfect disguise.  
  
* * * *   
  
The next morning, a huge white bunny walked out of Detective Hisoka's office. He walked quickly and sneakily, trying to avoid being seen. His midnight black hair was tied back loosely into a ponytail so that it wouldn't come out, and his pale skin matched well with his outfit. 'Dammit,' Illumi thought to himself. 'Why doesn't Hisoka have anything else I could wear for disguise?!' He looked around to make sure no one else was there, then stood in front of the elevator and waited. 'Come on, hurry up, elevator!!' he thought impatiently.  
  
"Did you see that huge fish I caught?" A young boy's voice came from inside the elevator as the door opened. Inside were two young boys - Gon and Killua. The boys' eyes widened as they saw the huge but adorable, fluffy bunny in front of the elevator. He had his paws on his face, trying to hide from the two boys.   
  
"Er - hello, Mr Bunny," Gon sweatdropped and looked at Killua, who shrugged. Illumi got into the elevator quickly as Gon and Killua walked out. "Come on, let's go show our fishes to Kurapica and Leorio!!"  
  
Illumi pressed on the button that had the letter G on it, and the doors closed. He sighed deeply and thought to himself, 'that was close'. But to his surprise, the elevator stopped on the second floor and Leorio appeared. His eyes were wide from surprise, but covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing hard. "....are you Killua's big brother?"  
  
"........," Illumi ignored him.   
  
"Wait till I tell everyone!!" Leorio couldn't contain his laughter any longer. He dropped the morning paper that he had just gone and bought. "Killua's big brother dressed as a bunny!!"  
  
"Hold it right there, Leorio," Illumi sweatdropped and raised an eyebrow. "Don't you DARE tell anyone, you hear me?"  
  
"Sure, Illumi," Leorio continued to laugh. "Illumi in a bunny suit.... Bwahahahaha...."   
  
"Shut up," Illumi was even more annoyed. "You want me to kill you?"  
  
Leorio tried to stop himself from laughing. "All right, all right, I won't tell anyone, ok?" he promised. Illumi decided to let him go. After all, he still had a long day of investigation ahead of him. But he was well aware that Leorio would go back and tell his friends all about this.   
  
He crept along the Nostrads' mansion and made sure he wasn't seen by anyone. Unfortunately, what he didn't realize was that he was monitored through cameras hidden in the walls of the mansion. Suspicious as he seemed, the guards did not pay much attention to this giant, furry bunny, mainly due to the fact that they were all on coffee break. This gave Illumi free access to the entrance, then to other parts of the mansion. His bunny paws made sure that no sound was made as he crossed the living room and dining room, although he almost slipped on some orange juice on the kitchen floor, spilled by Neon when she was throwing tantrum that morning.   
  
"Come help me prepare lunch," a young woman's voice came from down the grand hall. Illumi panicked a bit and hid behind the counter quickly, forgetting that the long, fluffy ears were still exposed. "Get the carrots," the girl continued, "we're going to make carrot soup. We'd better finish this soon and start preparing for dinner," she took out a stack of bowls from the cupboards and put them down, "Master said we'll be expecting a special guest tonight."  
  
To this Illumi's bunny ear twitched. A special guest? Could it be the woman Neon was talking about? He carefully crawled under a table with pretty tablecloth on top. Eventually he discovered that the space under the table wasn't exactly the safest place, for the cook dropped the knife more than once, and there was a golden-retriever running around the kitchen, begging for food. When she saw Illumi, she sniffed him and decided that he was friendly. Illumi sweatdropped but had no place to back up.   
  
"What is it, Krypton?" the cook noticed the dog walking around the table, wiggling her tail and sticking out her tongue happily. "Is there something under there?" She walked over, but just as her hand was on the tablecloth, ready to flip it up, the cook's helper had called her over for instructions in how the oven was used. Then the existence of Illumi under the table was forever forgotten, until he came out of there after the two girls delivered the food to their Master.   
  
After Illumi was out of the Nostrad property, he remembered that he did not accomplish much. But since they were expecting a special guest, he decided that he would sneak into the mansion (risking getting licked by the dog) again and find out all about this mysterious woman. First, he had to go back to the office and change back to his normal clothing, or he would look very suspicious.   
  
He sighed deeply as he finally got to relax, letting his hair loose and resting his head on the top of the couch, after making himself some earl-grey tea. Just as he sat down on the couch with a steaming cup of tea in his hand, he heard soft footsteps slowly approaching the door to the office.  
  
** tsuzuku.... **  
  
[In case you don't know, krypton is a chemical element. Neon is one, too, so I decided to use the name of an element for their doggie. I haven't been writing for a long time, and I don't think I'll be writing too much these days. Because of schoolwork, mostly. Hope you liked this chapter (^^) Illumi-sama will be continuing the investigation in the next chapter (whenever I get time to write again ^^;).] 


End file.
